Born Of My Heart And Not Of My Womb

All of us, as Christians, have a calling placed on our lives. Growing up in a Christian home and among wonderful church and youth fellowship members at Seremban Wesley Methodist Church in the 1970s, I was always shown how the love and grace of God could transform people’s lives. Many times, I wondered how the Lord would use me for His work as I had become very severely asthmatic from the age of two. Yet that embodiment of the love of God was going to lead me in a very different direction in ways I had not expected.

Let me begin by sharing a life-defining moment. When I was sixteen, I went to an orphanage in Seremban to do charity work with my schoolmates. A little chubby baby reached his hands out to me, and I carried him the entire time we were there. When I put the baby down, he started to cry because the babies there were hardly held or cuddled. Then, a teenage girl, an orphan who lived in the home, said to me, “Do you think we are a zoo or a museum? You people come here to ease your conscience because you think you are doing your duty for the unfortunate and then leave. Today you carry this baby, tomorrow, who will carry this child?”

Those words cut into my heart very deeply. That night during my quiet time, I prayed that if I were to marry when I grew up, it would be a man who loves God with all his heart, loves me and would also love other people’s children as his own.

Answers to prayer sometimes come in packages that are least expected. Years later, I met my husband: a police officer, badminton coach and a man constantly surrounded by children and young people. We became friends but never thought our lives would be entwined together as we came from different backgrounds. A few years later, a renowned evangelist and prophet prayed for us, telling us that our lives were meant to be together for a purpose beyond what we could fathom—and numerous lives would come out of this union. He also cautioned us that we would face some very challenging times in fulfilling the call.

Two years after my graduation from USM, we got married. I was transferred to Sekolah Menengah Sains Tun Syed Sheh Shahbudin, a boarding school in Bukit Mertajam. In that school, there were a number of children of various races from East Malaysia. They were barely 12 years old when they came and faced many challenges adapting to culture and system that was very different from their own back home. There was no acculturation; nothing was done to help them adapt to the predominately Malay environment in school. They were lost and had no place to go during weekends and school holidays. This was compounded by the fact that they only had plane tickets to return once a year. During their first Christmas, they had nowhere to go as the hostels were closed during the holidays.

To see them standing there, some in tears, feeling so abandoned, my husband and I brought them into our home. It was the first year of our marriage. As a young married couple with limited resources and home space, we sought the Lord for His provision—which He supplied in many astounding ways. We also signed up as foster parents for these students under Yayasan Sabah and Sarawak. As many of them were from Christian backgrounds, we took them to church on weekends and made ourselves available to them at all times.

Year after year, we took in batches of children and slowly, this foster family grew to a family of 45 children. Other youths in the community, some from broken and dysfunctional homes, came to us. We also took them under our wings. At times, the children’s East Malaysian friends studying in other states would board with us. At one point, all 45 children were home for the weekend, and though my neighbours and friends offered the children a place to sleep that night, they decided against it, preferring to sleep on the kitchen floor and be with each other.

My husband and I then made a very crucial decision. We prayed and chose not to have our children. Both of us felt there was only one life, and if we can make a difference in the lives of these children, why not do so? Hence, we decided to make it our life’s mission to nurture and mentor them and go beyond the role of an average foster parent. Why did we do this? To many around us, this was a ridiculous thing to do. One person asked me, “Who would do such a dumb thing when it is only natural to have your own children?”

Both of us knew in our hearts that, as Christians, we are called to make a difference by being the salt and light of this world. As foster parents, we would be those difference-makers. Taking in a foster child changes the world for that child and creates a place where that child can thrive and have a home to return to. We also saw that we would be involved in planting seeds, especially in East Malaysia, and contribute towards the legacy of that land. In His word, God commands us to care for the orphan and the needy by defending the weak and the fatherless (Psalm 82:3; cf. Isaiah 1:17). Our children were not fatherless, but they were separated from their birth families during their crucial teenage years, and they needed defending and care. Protecting vulnerable children shows God’s heart and helps heal the brokenness of this world by creating a place of safety and security so they know they’re safe here until they can return to their own families.

However, this decision was not free of its challenges, and we faced much criticism. My husband’s friends said he was not brave enough to father children, and some people thought I needed to see a gynaecologist. My mother-in-law, a very traditional lady, supported our choice, even though my husband was the only son and the family line would end with him. I remember him saying it did not matter as God’s lineage would live on in these children, which was of eternal consequence.

Fifteen years into our marriage, my husband passed away from a heart attack. I faced diverse challenges, but I continued to be there for the children who, by now, had entered or were finishing university. I did not take in any more children because I felt that children needed a strong father figure in their lives too.

It has been 22 years since my husband’s passing, and through the years, I have celebrated the children’s graduations, weddings and the birth of my grandchildren, many a time silently wishing that he could have seen these joyous occasions. Today, the children live all around the country and in other lands. I continue to have the privilege of sharing their lives and their little ones.

Today, I realise that when you say “Yes” to the Lord and place your life in His hands, even the things that seem impossible to our human eyes and thoughts will be made possible by our awesome God. As I reflect on my early thoughts on how God would use me despite my physical challenges, I see His faithfulness and protection every step of the way. As the song goes, “I see You as a Father, I see You as a friend”. I want to add that I see him as the Husband He promised to be to the widow.

What a miraculous life it has been!