“Every Wise Woman Builds Her House”
By Estee Tan, Contributed by Family First Malaysia
A working mother may have greater challenges in raising her children and attending to her family, but with wisdom and guidance from God, she will always stay on track in bringing up her children.
Just because a mother works does not mean that her children are deprived of their time, love, and care. Nevertheless, a working mother may sometimes feel guilty because she has less time for the children, and she may tend to worry about their well-being when she is not with them. Here are some lessons I have learned through the years as a working woman who is also taking care of her family:
Cultivating Faith and Prayer
As a working woman, I believe God loves and cares for my family more than I do, and that He has the best plan for our lives. I ask God for wisdom and pray for my family every day that:
- we will have the fear of God in our hearts because the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom;
- we will have strength from God to lead us through life.
At my workplace, I pray for my company and my co-workers. Having God’s favour on me to work with people has helped me to work more effectively and more productively. God is also my source of creative ideas in problem-solving and managing challenges at work.
Living a Simple Life
“First You Change Your Attitude, Then You Change Your Life.”
It is not easy to strike a perfect balance between work and family. There will always be challenges to face, and we will need to make choices. We must be willing to keep our lifestyle simple, give up certain positions/expectations and pay the price (i.e. being willing to give up that special something, perhaps that certain car, vacation, luxury item, contract, or honour that we have had our eye on).
When I live a simple life, making choices becomes easy and simple. That encompasses making choices about food, household purchases, living space design, education, disciplining the children, and other lifestyle choices.
Doing Things Together
To nurture family bonding, making time for my family is crucial, both on weekdays or holidays. We plan annual family trips and movie nights and even prepare family meals together. Even though from Friday night to Sunday my family is actively involved in social work (youth programs, training), we know it is still family time and that we will be doing something together.
As a couple, my husband and I support each other’s devotion to our jobs and social work. At the same time, we do not neglect each other. We discuss and make major time commitments that are mutually accepted. I find that constant close communication and showing grace and extending love to one another are crucial in building our marriage. We share the same goal of building people and families and are partners in this work. This includes building a relationship with our in-laws and taking them for holidays. The key here is “doing things together” as a couple, which my husband always emphasises.
I encourage my children to invite their friends to stay the night or I volunteer myself to be their driver when they go on outings. From these activities, I get to know their friends and the children appreciate their parents’ support and interest in their hobbies, friends, and school activities.
At the workplace, I have made the organisation’s reporting structure flat, simple, and accessible. This has created a better communication channel and helps to reduce time in making decisions while increasing creative input from staff.
Managing Time
Making time to plan is the key! Set aside time with the family and spend quality time together. This can strengthen family relationships and develop tight bonds between family members.
In life, we will always face challenges and sometimes, we will make mistakes. In fact, most problems may not get solved, and we must learn to ‘manage’ them.
I list the tasks, chores, and duties that I have to do each week but am flexible about making changes when I have to. I ask myself if each activity is necessary. I list down activities that I would like to do and include some personal time for myself and for my spouse. I make use of discretionary time during office hours to run errands.
I ‘bundle’ time together; that is, I try to complete more than one task at a time, such as listening to a podcast while driving or cooking/baking and reading when I have small pockets of time in between activities and appointments.
“Be Disciplined and Set Time Limits”
At the workplace, I try to limit time-wasters and distractions. I am focused on the tasks at hand and save talking to co-workers for break times or lunchtime. It is important to limit time spent on checking emails, attending to phone calls, and completing unnecessary paperwork.
Setting Priorities
With so many daily tasks and responsibilities, a mother must learn to manage her time well and set priorities.
I have learned that thinking through activities and prioritising them in order of importance helps me to make decisions faster and, in the process, makes decision-making and work overall less stressful. I often ask myself these guiding questions and then act accordingly, “Can these responsibilities be delegated to others?”, “Can I live without this?”, “Does this add value to our family/work life?”, “Does this matter eternally?”
Learning Every Day
My motto in life is: “Keep learning!” A mindset structured on life-long learning keeps me active and moving forward all the time.
Reading, training, and development programs have taught me to understand new trends in IT, business, travel, food, world events, creative designs/fashion, and the latest products (i.e. advanced construction materials, wall paint, energy saving methods, etc.) and life in general. Life has become exciting with all this new knowledge!
I listen to podcasts while I drive. I am always amazed at the plethora of world-class speakers available today to share their great knowledge and experience online. Learning and information sharing in this era are amazing!
Making Good Use of IT Devices
Nowadays, IT devices have made our lives easier because of the convenience they bring. They have also changed the way we live, work, and play.
The smartphone has been a great help to me. Life has become much easier with smartphone apps that help me out with my everyday tasks. The No. 1 reason why I use a smartphone is convenience. The smartphone also frees up more time for me. I use smartphone apps to keep track of my appointments, financial spending, and banking. I also use them to set reminders, take notes, take photos, scan documents, watch videos to learn new skills and cooking, listen to music and Podcasts, communicate with staff, chat with friends, and surf online for information. I Google anything that I do not know (i.e. how to operate a new coffee machine or where to buy a 3-meter tall fiberglass bear sculpture for the hotel lobby etc.).
Mobile devices also help to keep my family informed of each other’s activities and to stay connected during the day when we are all busy.
I often take advantage of online shopping. I do grocery shopping online, especially for bulky household items. It saves me travelling time and money as the items are delivered to my doorstep.
This ‘apps culture’ does assist us in managing our lives better. However, I constantly remind myself that nothing can replace face-to-face communication, especially among family members.
Motherhood cannot be ‘outsourced’. As a mother, I am called to watch over my home and the members in it. It is one of my life goals to learn to build a loving family and a family who cares for others, a family that will be a lighthouse for the community.
About Estee Tan
Estee Tan is a working mom with two boys. She works as General Manager in the hotel division of a public-listed company. Her work involves hotel management and hotel development. Estee graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Finance (USA) and a Master’s degree in Business Administration (USA). She is also a Certified Hotel Administrator (USA). She enjoys travelling, reading, and baking. Her passion is to build more wholesome families in which parents are moulding children with good character. She is also keen to build a young generation that has the heart to serve and care for others.
About Family First Malaysia
Family First Malaysia is a non-profit organisation. The organisation serve people regardless of ethnic, religious background or social status. They exist to TRANSFORM Next Generation Fathers, supported by Mothers, to build better Families resulting in a better Workplace, a better Society, and a better Nation.
FFM is a member of the global network of Family First Global and partners with like-minded organisations to RESTORE, RESHAPE and RELEASE men and women to become better couples and parents in the context of traditional marriage and family with 3F Focus: Family, Finance, and Fitness.
