A Christian Marriage Journey
Dealing with stumbling blocks along the way.
by Esther Tan Velez
As we were preparing to enter a holy covenant six years ago in 2015, I wrote a Christian Bride article.* How confident but ill-equipped I was then to face the challenges of being a Christian wife – the first time job for me since my late husband was a non-Christian.
As I look back on my last six years of Christian marriage, God has taught me a few lessons, and I am still learning. I thought I was ready to embark on this journey, but oh boy! How ignorant was I?
Background
I was a Christian for five years before I got re-married to Jose. As a born-again Christian widow, God has blessed me with a solid Christian foundation of faith and full of head knowledge during those five years. I was prepared to marry this Christian man and all set to serve the Lord as a Christian husband and wife team. We ticked all the boxes and were all set to go on this exciting journey! My heart was right, mentally prepared to do His Will and ready to serve Him.
Shattered dreams
Three years down the lane, a minor issue that was brewing grew into a monster problem. I was resentful of my husband spending too much time with one of his family members. Both of us are from different cultures, races, languages, and personalities. We have serious communication problems, not so much the language but the understanding gap. We were like he was from Mars while I was from Venus. The only common thread is that we are God centred, serving Him in every possible way and praying together daily. The saving grace was our belief and desire to serve the Lord as husband and wife. This was and is always the top priority in our marriage. Everything else revolves around it.
Our second and third years of marriage were tumultuous, and I contemplated divorce. On reflection as a Christian wife, I can analyse the situation by attributing it to the following reasons –
- Due to my bitter root issue of rejection, I was convinced that he did not want to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. I was convinced that he preferred the company of his close family member. I wanted it to be all about me, my needs, my fulfilment, my happiness.
- Every action of his was misconstrued as a lack of care and love for me.
- I am now convinced that spiritual warfare was constantly going on in our marriage. Satan was working overtime. Nothing my husband did or did not do was right.
- I felt isolated, and the thought of divorce was very inviting. All the lies in my head sounded very authentic and convincing. I spent most of the time working out plans b, c, d.
- My feelings and plans were justified as I was convinced he did “big time” wrong me.
- Although I prayed daily, still I was impatient as I wanted immediate solutions to the issue.
- My head knowledge said I would submit to my husband, but my heart did not fully submit.
- I continued reading the Bible and understood His Word, but I found it challenging to apply it.
- Our initial God centred marriage became slowly blurred, overtaken, and overwhelmed by the flesh.
Breakthrough
Through fervent prayers, crying out to God and total surrender to Jesus, God told me what to do.
First and foremost, I decided not to self-isolate. I reached out to close Christian friends. We chose to confide and seek advice from our church pastor. After we did this, then for the first time, my husband’s eyes began to open to understanding me, and I started to understand his behaviour and intentions. We could see the intention of satan to lie, destroy and kill our marriage and stop us from serving God and glorify Him.
God changed the circumstances in our marriage, and we began to willingly spend quality time together, whereas before, we distanced ourselves from each other. The Holy Spirit prompted us to pray specifically about our marriage. Our head knowledge and general prayers did not work for us. Instead of praying for the whole world and other people, together we begged God to help us in our marriage. I cried out to God to cast out all unclean thinking of depression, anger, unforgiveness, hatred, revenge, and most of all, recognise and cast out the spirit of divorce. God helped me to stop blaming my husband for my feelings of rejection from past bitter root issues. I asked God for forgiveness for contemplating divorce. I asked my husband to forgive me. I started to appreciate my husband more. I could feel God’s love surrounding and protecting us again. We realised that only God is able to solve our marital issues; it was simply not possible for us as individuals to overcome our problems. Indeed, the Holy Spirit transformed our minds and hearts.
We could see more clearly and differentiate the lies and the truth of feelings and beliefs in our marriage covenant. I began to truly understand how the husband should love his wife and how the wife should submit to her husband. Less of me and more of God. Our marriage started to be back on track to be God centred. We recognised the importance of building a stronger and more solid foundation. If there is a lack of unity and love between us, we could not serve together. By consciously choosing Worship over Worry, God is helping both of us to re-orient our hearts and transform our minds. Our Lord made the impossible possible! Praise and thank God for His mercy, faithfulness, and grace to help us honour the sanctity of marriage.
From the Desk of Tek & Goldie
* Esther lived in Perth and attended our fellowship group until she moved to Adelaide. She has been a regular contributor to our blog, writing about how she became a Christian, a widow and a bride.
More articles on Jose & Esther can be found in https://deargoldie.asianbeacon.org such as A Spiritual Makeover, A Christian Bride, Wedding bells for Jose & Esther, A Spiritual Makeover.
