Scars Are My Testimony

Reminding me of God’s goodness

Do I need to be worried about the twitching muscle on top of my heart and the uneasiness on my left chest? I wondered. There was no classic symptom of angina pectoris like squeezing, pressure, heaviness, tightness, or pain in the chest, which is a prelude to an acute heart attack. However, I decided to do a stress test from a personal cardiologist friend in his private clinic.

He suspected I had some coronary artery blockages, so he immediately wrote a referral letter for me to do an angiogram. After seeing and analysing the results, I was told that I needed to do a CABG (Coronary Artery Bypass Graft) because I have four-vessel blockages, of which one was 100%. I begged him whether putting in two stents (angioplasty) was possible, but he insisted it was improper.

Busy

Several months previously, I was busy as the Campaign Manager for a good friend who ran as a political candidate in one of the state constituencies in Melaka. I could have collapsed and succumbed to an acute heart attack with my underlying heart condition. A silent heart attack (SMI: silent myocardial infarction) accounts for 45% of heart attacks and strikes men more than women. Now four months later, I was diagnosed with multiple blockages without knowing it!

I have witnessed the death of a brother-in-law to a heart attack. Also, I knew a schoolmate who had a fatal heart attack the day after we said goodbye in the Kuala Lumpur airport after going together on a trip to Eastern Europe. God is indeed good and merciful to me for diagnosis on time.

Gloom

After I was informed that there was no option but to do an open heart bypass surgery (CABG), I felt dark clouds hovering over me. I shared these feelings with my home-cell members. From them and directly from the Holy Spirit, I received specifically three Rhema Verses which gave me a deep sense of assurance that God was with me. The dark clouds dissipated, and bright light broke through, being assured that my faithful God would give me a second lease of life.

But before the surgery day, there were fear factors that tried to rob me of God’s peace. These included: my fear of death; what if I don’t make it? What about going under anaesthesia? There is a 0.1% of patients regaining varying levels of consciousness during their surgical procedures! Although this is a rare complication, will I be in the 0.1% to experience this terror? Then my dear ones came with good intentions to cheer me up. My younger brother gave me a detailed account of the CABG procedure. How terrifying! Then my younger sister consoled me, “Don’t worry, if you die, you will be in Heaven with Jesus!” Another caring buddy related how his church friend who did the same CABG died on the operating table! All these dire predictions swirled in my mind!

For a few nights before the surgery, I woke up several times with the thought of me in the wet market watching how they cut open the chickens’ rib cages. This is precisely what the doctors will do to me, by cutting apart my chest bone (sternum) to get to my heart! I felt cold sweat running over my face.

Spiritual attacks 

I learned that the acronym for fear is:-False Evidence Already Realised

More than 95% of those so-called fears did not come to pass – they are attacks from the enemy! Instead, I should have shut him up and hung on to God and His promises, especially the Rhema Verses He gave me.

1. For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear; I will help you.” (Isaiah 41: 13)
2. I keep my eyes always on the LORD. With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. (Psalm 16: 8)     

3. I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD. (Psalm 118: 17)

On 28^th August 2018, as I was being wheeled from the ward to the operation theatre, by faith, I raised my right hand and visualised that the LORD was holding it. Instantly I felt the tangible presence of God enveloping me and dispelling all my fears. God set me free! Before long, I went into a deep sleep. When I woke up, I found myself in the ICU room with various tubes attached to my body and the noises from the monitors nearby.

Aftermath

Today, more than three years post-CABG, and I asked the LORD, “You have given me a second chance in life, so now what?”. The Lord’s reply was deposited in my heart:

1. daily to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly before my LORD – Micah 6: 8.
2. daily to keep me in the love of God and to look up for the mercy of my Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life – Jude 21.
3. daily to redeem my time wisely and count each day as though it is my last day here, thus gaining a heart of wisdom – Psalm 90:12.

As I reflect on my life ever since I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal Saviour and Lord in 1975, He is indeed faithful, carrying me through all the challenges of my life. I thank God for allowing my wife and me to see our grandchildren (four granddaughters and one grandson). This additional experience has left me in great gratitude and humility.