by Szet Anne
Little Fox cuddled up to Mama Fox one night and said sleepily,
“Mama, tell me again about the day I came home.”
“Oh, yes.” Mama said with a smile. “This is my favorite story of all.
When God found us you, it made me the happiest mother in the world.”
– Excerpt from “God Found Us You”, by Lisa Tawn Bergen
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to have a child and be a mother.
In my early twenties, I sang the songs of my generation heartily and earnestly prayed that I would do anything and go anywhere that the Lord would call me, no matter how unusual or abnormal it could be. My only request was to have a family to call my own.
“God is never late,” they say, but He sure takes His time sometimes. Two decades later, married and active in pastoral ministry, but nothing. Many prayers, tips on how to get pregnant, health checks and supplements, and even prophecies were given. Still nothing, not even the slightest sliver of hope.
Just like Mama Fox in the beautifully written book by Lisa Tawn Bergen, I waited patiently through the seasons, envied other mothers with their babies, cried bitterly like Hannah, and thought many times of giving up. I have gone through multiple cycles of hope and disappointments, anticipation and despair.
When do you wait, and when do you let go?
It wasn’t that we didn’t trust God for a child at the right timing, but we understood that “no” was also an answer and that we are still called to trust Him for the have nots. “When do you just accept, let go and move on,” I always wondered. “When do you wait and when do you let go?” At the end of 2022, I said to the Lord, “One more year and then I’ll really move on.”
It was mid-2023 and I was preparing my heart to give up wanting when a WhatsApp message came through that would change our lives: a baby was to be born to an undocumented mother. She was unable to keep the child. My husband and I have also always wanted to adopt, regardless of whether we had our own. We always knew that a baby could come to us by natural birth or through adoption. Both were equally God’s way to make us a family through His grace and for His divine purposes. But over the years, several opportunities for adoption didn’t pull through.
Upon receiving more information about the situation, we opted to start down this path. We reasoned that if God was really gifting us this child to steward, He will open the way for the baby to be brought home to us. Much to our amazement, doors continued to open one after another. We saw how God’s hands were in the situation, bringing the right people alongside us as resource individuals to encourage and support this little endeavour.
In less than three months (of uncertainty and cautious hope), we found ourselves standing together with the most beautiful newborn in our arms and immediately fell in love with her. I could not believe it — I had become a mother.
Embarking on a journey of joy, faith and tears
But the journey was far from over. In Malaysia, there are many factors to consider and challenges to overcome when one chooses to legally adopt. Making things more complex was our baby’s irregular status. Throughout her adoption process, we have been met with more than our fair share of scares. My husband and I have scurried around for verified identity documentations, faced challenges finding a doctor who would help us draw a baby’s blood for a DNA test, verifying UNHRC status, and so on.
Every situation would bring us to our knees in tears, praying over and over that if this baby is for us, God will open the whole way for this child whom He loves. We had come to love this baby deeply and could not imagine losing her. In our humanness, we tried to think of all the ways to solve each hurdle, but God, in His mighty way and in His time, showed up time and again to provide and protect. At times, it was in ways we never saw coming.
“We may make a lot of plans, but the Lord will do what he has decided.” Prov19:21 (CEV)
As I write this story, I have just received a text. It is with utmost joy that I share a wonderful piece of news: her birth certificate has finally arrived at our lawyer’s office. With her first birthday nearing, God showed up yet again to remind me – or perhaps all of us – that He is never late to bring about what He has determined and promised.
Great is His faithfulness towards us
We are fully aware, however, that there will be more mountains to climb. We still have another whole process to pursue for her citizenship status. And although this journey we are on is not short nor simple, we trust that the same God whose hands have been making the way will do it again. He will do what He intends and will finish what He started. This adoption journey has been a journey of faith, wherein we need to choose to trust God at every road bump our anxious hearts face.
At the same time, this last one year as a mother has been the greatest joy of my life. Motherhood has also my life turned upside down. With every new skill our daughter learns, I feel both pride and nostalgia knotting in my heart. My heart is both filled with pure love and challenged to love even more generously. My soul is both filled with new resolve and stretched with the burden of responsibility. I know we will continually need to trust God as she grows into her own person under His protective wings.
God has been truly good to provide for her needs in many ways from the very beginning, and we will need to trust Him for the rest. We are truly grateful for the ones God brought along as answered prayers to help bring her home to us. The Lord even brought a whole community of people to support us, pray along with us, and love our daughter. In every way, she seems to fit into our hearts, our lives and our community.
This joy is mine and this song is forever Yours.
Note: Certain details of the child have been left out for her protection and privacy.
