When people speak of Rev. Ting Diu Kiong from Sibu, Sarawak, they may recall one of his many past or present identities: a timber businessman in Indonesia, a Methodist pastor, a missionary in Africa, or the superintendent of Methodist Victory Home, a Christian rehabilitation center. But in the hearts of his five children, Rev. Ting is first and foremost their beloved father—only then the man of many roles.
In the 1970s, after marrying Madam Tang Ing Kiew, Rev. Ting spent 15 years in what could be called a “long-distance marriage.” To support the family financially, he worked deep in the jungles of Indonesia‘s timber camps and only returned to Sibu occasionally to reunite with his loved ones. During his children’s early years, he was not only an absent father but a strict one.
“Back then, I believed that a strict father raises obedient children. I rarely spoke words of encouragement, and I didn‘t know how to praise them.”
A father who didn’t know how to be a father
No license is required to become a father, and there are no preparatory courses. As a young man raising two sons and three daughters, Rev. Ting had not yet learned how to be a good father. Although already a Christian, he still adhered to the traditional patriarchal mindset when it came to parenting—unintentionally causing emotional wounds to his children.
In 2023, at the age of 75, Rev. Ting published a book titled My Lifelong Affairs Are in Your Hands. Beyond documenting his life journey, the book includes heartfelt letters from his five children expressing their perspectives on their father. In the final chapter, titled A Father Who Didn‘t Know How to Be a Father, he reflects on these letters.
“After reading their ‘bitter yet honest’ words, I was struck with the painful realization that I had been a terrible father. I always thought that enduring hardship to earn a living so my children could have a better life and education was enough. A few spankings or threats? I thought those were nothing. But I never realized that those ‘insignificant’ actions left permanent scars in their lives.”
Studying theology—and Fatherhood
In 1991, at the age of 44, Rev. Ting laid down his career and responded to God‘s call by returning to Sibu to study theology, preparing for full-time ministry. After years of being a distant father, he finally returned home—by then, his eldest son had already graduated from high school.
It was during seminary that Rev. Ting began to question his parenting approach. “I read a book titled The Family and realized I needed to change.”
Convicted by the Holy Spirit, he sincerely apologized to each of his children, acknowledging his wrongs and asking for their forgiveness.
For a strict father to admit fault before his children was no easy task. Reflecting on it now, Rev. Ting chuckles:
“It took a lot of courage—after all, pride matters! But I submitted to the leading of the Holy Spirit. Otherwise, there would always be a missing piece in my children‘s hearts. And Jesus came to tear down the walls between people.”
Through the Spirit‘s work, healing and reconciliation took place within the family. Rev. Ting gradually became a gentler, more encouraging father—one who had learned to see and affirm the good in his children.
Children need our love and presence
This personal transformation awakened Rev. Ting to the importance of family ministry. After graduating from seminary and beginning to pastor a church, he and his wife initiated family-focused programs.
“Back then, churches didn‘t have parenting or marriage courses—we had to feel our way forward.”
In 2013, Rev. Ting and his wife began serving at Methodist Victory Home, a gospel-based drug rehabilitation center. They even moved in to live alongside the residents since 2019, and they taught and guided the residents through biblical principles.
“My eldest son once returned from the U.S. and told the men at the center, ‘Treasure this—my dad has spent more time with you than he ever did with me.’”
To date, the center has helped more than 700 individuals break free from addiction and become new creations in Christ. Rev. Ting and his wife have become spiritual parents to many of them.
Though Rev. Ting missed his own children‘s childhood and didn’t know how to be a father when his children were young, his role at the center gave him another chance to father well.
“We used to think that obedient, well-behaved kids were the good ones. Now we realise—it‘s the troubled kids who need the most love and presence.”
Rev Ting also firmly believes that for young pastors, family and church life must be integrated early on.
“As pastors, we need to ask God for wisdom on how to keep our family and church connected. Our children should be an active part of the church and serve; if they don’t, they will be drawn to the world,” he said, adding that pastors must also ensure the church is a safe space for their children to make mistakes and grow in faith.
Currently pursuing a Doctor of Ministry degree with a focus on family ministry at Malaysia Bible Seminary, Rev. Ting holds one great hope in his heart: that our Heavenly Father would bless his children with health, harmony, and godliness, generation after generation, and serve God. And to his spiritual children, he offers these words:
“Your transformation is our greatest joy. Stay away from drugs, build a strong life, and after receiving blessings, go and be a blessing to others who are lost.”
