by Ruth Yong Wang Theen
When was the last time you called your parents, not because you had to, but because you wanted to?
For many people, honouring parents has become complicated. Busy schedules, distance, generational tensions, and changing cultural values have reshaped family relationships across Asia. What previous generations once considered unquestioned duty is now often viewed as optional, old-fashioned, or even burdensome.
Yet the fifth commandment remains deeply relevant today:
“Honour your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12 (NLT)
This command is not merely about cultural tradition or blind obedience. It reflects God’s design for families, relationships, and society itself. To honour our parents is ultimately an act of honouring God.
In a rapidly changing culture, Christians are called to rediscover what biblical honour truly looks like. Here are six truths to help us practise the fifth commandment with wisdom, grace, and love.
1. Honouring parents begins with honouring God
The first four commandments focus on our relationship with God, while the fifth begins the section on our relationships with others. Honouring parents comes first because it teaches us how to recognise rightful authority and live within God’s created order.
Parents are often the first authority figures we encounter in life. Through them, we learn respect, trust, guidance, discipline, and love. In many ways, learning to honour earthly parents prepares our hearts to honour our heavenly Father.
The Hebrew word for “honour” carries the idea of giving weight, value, and importance. It shares its root with kavod, the Hebrew word for God’s glory. To honour our parents means to treat them with dignity and reverence rather than dismissiveness or contempt.
The family was also central to Israel’s identity as God’s covenant people. Honouring one’s parents preserved faith, heritage, and unity across generations.
Modern culture prizes independence above almost everything else, but honour asks us to begin somewhere different: with humility before God’s design.
2. Honouring parents helps build a healthy society
The fifth commandment is not only personal; it is social. Healthy families contribute to healthy communities. When respect breaks down within the family, society itself begins to fracture.
The final commandments prohibit stealing, murder, adultery, and coveting because God desires a just and loving society. Likewise, honouring parents nurtures stability, responsibility, and compassion within the home, which is the most basic unit of society.
In many Asian cultures, respect for elders has long been valued. Although these traditions are not identical to biblical teaching, they recognise an important truth: societies flourish when relationships are marked by respect and care.
At the same time, Christians honour parents not merely because culture demands it, but because love for God shapes how we treat people made in His image.
“Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.” Proverbs 17:6 (NIV)
As believers, we are called to build families that run on grace, mutual care, and Christ-like love rather than fear or control.
3. Honouring is not always the same as obeying
One of the most important truths Christians must understand is that honour and obedience are not exactly the same.
Children are commanded to obey their parents, but honour continues throughout life, even into adulthood. Obedience may change as we grow older, marry, or become independent, but respect and love should remain.
This distinction is especially important for those from difficult or painful family backgrounds. Some parents are controlling, absent, neglectful, or even abusive. Honouring them does not mean approving sinful behaviour or allowing continued harm.
Rather, honour may involve speaking respectfully, refusing bitterness, praying for them, or setting healthy boundaries while still acknowledging their value as human beings created by God.
The Bible never promotes blind submission to wrongdoing. God remains our highest authority.
“Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. ‘Honour your father and mother.’ This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honour your father and mother, ‘things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.'” Ephesians 6:1-3 (NLT)
True biblical honour grows out of love, wisdom, and godly character — never dominance.
4. Honouring ageing parents
As children become adults, family relationships naturally evolve. The dynamic shifts from dependence to independence, and eventually, for many, to a quiet role reversal where the child becomes the caregiver.
None of this changes the command to honour. It simply changes what honour looks like in practice.
For an adult child, honour often shows up in ordinary, unglamorous moments: sitting with patience through a story you have heard before, calling on a Tuesday for no particular reason, or showing up to help with something your parent can no longer do alone. It looks like gratitude expressed out loud rather than assumed, and choosing to include them in your life even when schedules make it inconvenient.
Many Asian parents, in particular, rarely say “I love you”, but they will cook your favourite meal when you visit, press money into your hand at the door, or call repeatedly just to hear your voice. Learning to receive these gestures as love, rather than frustration, is itself a form of honour.
“Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.” Proverbs 23:22 (NIV)
In caring for ageing parents, we often experience a beautiful reversal. Those who once carried us now need us to carry them.
5. Honouring parents requires grace and understanding
Parents are human beings with weaknesses, fears, regrets, and personal histories. Many Asian parents endured hardship, poverty, war, migration, or emotional struggles that shaped how they raised their children.
Part of honouring them is seeking to understand their story instead of judging them only through our modern perspective.
The Israelites carefully preserved family history and heritage. Likewise, Christians can honour parents by listening to their experiences, learning family stories, and appreciating the sacrifices made for future generations.
Honour also means giving grace where possible. No parent is perfect. In the same way that we desire patience from others, we are called to extend mercy to our parents.
“Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” Colossians 3:12 (NLT)
Sometimes healing within families begins with small acts of compassion and understanding rather than dramatic conversations.
6. Jesus shows us the true meaning of honour
Jesus Himself demonstrated honour within earthly family relationships. Even while suffering on the cross, He cared for His mother by entrusting her to the disciple John (John 19:26-27).
At the same time, Jesus showed that loyalty to God comes first. Our devotion to Christ must remain greater than every earthly relationship.
“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” Matthew 10:37 (NIV)
Biblical honour is therefore balanced: we deeply respect our parents, yet we ultimately follow God above all else.
For Christians living in modern Asian societies, this balance can be challenging. We may feel torn between cultural expectations and biblical convictions, yet Scripture calls us to respond with humility, gentleness, and love. When we honour our parents with wisdom and grace, we reflect the heart of God Himself.
Honour While We Still Can
Perhaps honouring our parents begins with something smaller and simpler than we realise.
A phone call. A prayer. A meal together. A word of gratitude spoken aloud. A visit that has been postponed for too long. A decision to listen more patiently instead of rushing through another conversation.
In many Asian families, love is not always expressed openly. Sometimes it appears through practical sacrifices, quiet concern, or lifelong provision. Parents may not always say the words we long to hear, yet they often show love in the only ways they know how.
The fifth commandment reminds us that honour is not merely a cultural expectation. It is a reflection of God’s heart. To honour our parents is to recognise the weight and value God has placed upon family relationships.
Of course, honour does not mean pretending families are perfect. Some relationships carry deep wounds, disappointments, or unresolved pain. Yet even in difficult situations, Christians are called to pursue grace, wisdom, and love wherever possible.
So perhaps the question is not simply whether we respect our parents, but whether we are intentionally showing honour while we still have the opportunity. After all, one day we may wish we had called more often, listened more patiently, or expressed our love more openly while we still could.
