As children of God and followers of Christ, we have a responsibility to care for our parents and grandparents. For Sarath and Muriel Kumar, this begins in their home.
By Sarath and Muriel Kumar
Last year, we moved with our two young children from Klang, Selangor to Sendayan, Negeri Sembilan, to build a life centred around the community there.
That was an unusual decision, but then God placed a burden on our hearts to offer Sarath’s mother and his grandparents the opportunity to move with us if they wished.
The answer was yes, so we found a rented house in the neighbourhood beside ours, which was a minute’s drive away.
It was not an easy decision to make. Several factors made it challenging: financial considerations, logistical arrangements, and the well-being of the elderly.
But for us, the heart of loving, honouring, and caring for elderly family members lies in recognising that they poured out their lives to build a world of possibilities for their children. Now, as they enter a season of limitations and increasing demands– physical, emotional, and mental — we pour our lives in return.
We truly consider ourselves blessed to have them around, and we try to show our appreciation by integrating them into our lives as much as possible, ensuring they never feel isolated.
This includes simple, consistent practices like having tea together, inviting them over frequently, letting them stay with us, visiting as often as we can, being there when they’re unwell, and being attentive to their needs and well-being. That, to us, is the truest expression of honour and love.
At the same time, however, caring for elderly family members means dealing with their physical fragility, where everything can change in an instant. A sudden illness or accident can drastically affect daily routines and financial stability, requiring difficult decisions to be made.
Earlier this year, Sarath’s grandfather was hospitalised due to complications arising from a diabetic wound which grew into a serious infection. He eventually had to undergo an operation to amputate the infected leg.
We had to make room in our calendars to include navigating the complex journey of public healthcare, taking him for hospital visits, keeping everyone’s spirits up and focused on Jesus — all whilst balancing work, home and our children.
On days that stretch us, we remember why we made this decision. The sacrifices are real, but so is the joy.
For our family, caring for our parents (and generations before) is a great honour. We consider it a blessing to live with them, caring for them and learning from their wisdom. They contribute to the rhythm of our home and offer support in meaningful ways, adding richness to our family life.
One of the most heartwarming fruits has been seeing our young children grow in awareness and compassion for the elderly.
As educators, parents, and youth workers, we’ve noticed a troubling shift in the mindset towards caring for the elderly. What once was embraced as filial responsibility is now being seen, in many cases, as burdensome and optional.
In our opinion, the prevalent mindset is that it’s no longer a responsibility to provide thoughtful care with their holistic well-being in mind, but rather just a box that needs to be ticked due to social pressure.
This approach seems to be a result of a culture that prioritises subjective morality and self-interest, leading to a narcissistic outlook where individualism is celebrated.
Such an outlook, we feel, is creating a generation that is fragile, inward-looking, and selfish—traits that will likely negatively impact societal cohesion and community growth.
It is also God’s command to honour our parents and grandparents. In honouring them, we are promised a long life on earth; more than just length of life, we believe that our quality of life is blessed.
With four generations in our home, our children are growing up in a rich, diverse context that deepens their understanding of what it means to be human and why God loves us so much.
When Sarath’s grandfather had to use a wheelchair and walking stick, our 4-year-old son consistently showed care towards his great-grandfather, getting his water bottle, helping him move around, and being fully present during treatment sessions.
It showed us what God was doing through this decision, not just in our generation, but in the one after us.
We saw a future where our family could be enriched through the presence, values, wisdom, and love of our elders. And that’s exactly what has happened.
The presence of Sarath’s mother and grandparents has filled our home with joy, deep wisdom, and character. It also gave us a beautiful opportunity to continue witnessing Christ to our grandparents.
In December 2024, our grandparents gave their lives to Christ after 80 years in another faith. Seeing them get baptised and declare Jesus as their only God and Saviour was one of the most profound joys of our lives.
The biggest lie we face in today’s generation is the scarcity of time. We often say we don’t have time for the elderly because of our many commitments. Yet, we spend hours on social media, distracted by meaningless scrolling that doesn’t contribute to anything valuable.
If we truly care about something, we will make time for it. If we don’t care for our elderly today, we may face a future where we, as the elderly, live a lonely life.
If we care about God and His heart for His people, we will start by showing care at home.
We are grateful to God, who called us to this journey and sustains us through it. Joy and peace, we’ve learned, are not the absence of struggles or problems. They come with God’s presence, especially in our suffering and challenges.
His mercies and grace follow us, and we have witnessed this firsthand. Even in the fragility and vulnerability of day-to-day life, we experience joy and peace because of His presence.
An intergenerational home has brought us closer as a family. But the greatest reward of this journey has been discovering, day by day and with greater measure, the heart of God for every generation.
“Your faithfulness endures to all generations; You have established the earth, and it stands fast.” Psalm 119:90
