By Jason Law
Out of the depths of despair comes an intimate and transforming journey into God’s grace and love.
Philippians 3:8 is familiar to most Christians. In it, Paul stated:
“What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ”
This verse affirms the hope of every Christian; that rather than looking at the past, or to our abilities, we are encouraged to look forward to an eternity with Christ. For one mother, Dr. Chow Li Sze, this has been a defining factor in the shaping of her life.
Like Paul, Dr. Chow had prestigious scholastic qualifications. She nevertheless expressed that her Ph.D. in Electrical and Electronics Engineering was “not the biggest success in my life”. “Instead, I see God and His mission to me now in a different light. God has given me the baton of hope and strength. And He has given me this purpose in my life, to share about my journey and to pass this baton of hope to those going through the same griefs I had experienced.”
Dr. Chow Li Sze has a remarkable life story to share, one which she relates in her book, A Grieving Heart Is Most Loved, now in its second edition. Before she was a writer, Li Sze has had to walk through the darkest periods of anguish, bereavement, and sorrow. As a young mother, she suffered the loss of a loving son, Zhen Kan. Zhen Kan was only a toddler when he was diagnosed with a genetic disorder that affected his liver and which would later lead to the failure of his organ.
Li Sze had married at an impressionable age to a handsome Brazilian man but by this time, her marriage was near breaking point and she was on the verge of being divorced by her husband. However, because Zhen Kan was a child from this marriage, he had to be brought to Brazil for treatment. On arrival in Brazil, his condition worsened. The long-distance travel had worn him out. Before the liver transplant could be carried out, Zhen Kan passed away on 30th August 2014 at the age of only two years and nine months.
Because all this had happened against the backdrop of separation from her husband, Li Sze was bereft of support from the person whom she most needed it from. It made her life such misery that at one point she even considered suicide. ‘A Grieving Heart is Most Loved’ is the story of Li Sze’s faith and recovery journey, discovering God’s plan for her life as it unfolds each day.
Though born and growing up in a different faith, Li Sze had come to hear about Jesus through the friendship of her Christian friends, and she had started her journey as a Christian. At the lowest moment in her life, God, and Christian friends in her life made a difference and came to her assistance. Some of the Christian friends had even been there during Zhen Kan’s period of illness, praying for him.
Her son’s death had been a heavy blow for Li Sze and initially, she thought God had punished her for not praying enough or because He had not forgiven her sins. She could not understand why God did not heal her son. However, she would get the first affirmation of God’s grace during the funeral service itself.
Before Zhen Kan had passed away, God had told Li Sze that “Zhen Kan belongs to Me.” Additionally, He had given her a dream of her son’s funeral service in Brazil. While walking to his coffin, she recognised the scene from her dream. “I knew then that Zhen Kan’s death was not because God had not forgiven me; it was simply His will, fulfilled for a reason I could not understand at that time. Jesus had forgiven me the moment I accepted Him and asked for His forgiveness! He had died for my sins and taken away all my punishment on the cross 2000 years ago! The death of Zhen Kan was neither a punishment for me, nor for him.”
Dr. Chow related further in her book that soon after having lost her son, God had impressed the verses of John 11:25-26 and 1 Thessalonians 4:16 on her heart and mind.
John 11: 25-26
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
1 Thessalonians 4:16
For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.
“I know that God is taking care of my son,” Li Sze wrote in her book. “Zhen Kan is now in a better place. God helps me to take care of my son there because He knows I cannot take care of him and my daughter at the same time. Over here, now, I just have to take care of my daughter.” It was the beginning of God’s leading and healing process in Li Sze’s life, gently lifting her, giving her a purpose, and guiding her in her relationship with Him.
On separate occasions, God gave Li Sze visions of her son in Heaven. These visions were shared by her daughter and a pastor friend. Li Sze would grow in intimacy with the Lord and she would often open herself up emotionally in her prayers. One day, God spoke to her gently and lovingly, “I know your pain, I know the pain of losing a son.. as I saw my Son died on the cross…” “Instantly, I was overwhelmed by God’s love,” she shared. “He understood my pain. He had watched His beloved Son die an excruciating death on the cross and He knew exactly how I felt. That very moment, the loneliness lifted from me.”
On another occasion, God gave her a dream where she saw a huge book with golden edges. It looked like an important book, with many names written in it but she could not decipher any names. A magnifying glass then appeared and hovered above her name and her daughter’s name. Li Sze’s heart was flooded with great joy, gratitude, and peace. She would find out later from the Bible that she had seen her name and her daughter’s name in the Book of Life. “God has assured me that I will be with Zhen Kan in Heaven as written in Revelation 21:27.”
Throughout her book, Dr. Chow has much more to share about her journey with Christ and her Christian friends, too much to go into here. But through her journey, she grew to learn that Zhen Kan’s death had a purpose. It drew her closer to the Lord. God led her to serve actively in two children’s ministries; PowerFun and PowerKids, to partner with a pastor in starting a home school where children could grow to be strong in the Lord, and finally to her position as Assistant Professor at UCSI University, educating the next generation of leaders.
The loss of an affectionate son and a divorce, she has experienced it all. But at the end of it, she could convey from her own experience, “Some of us might have experienced disappointments in life in doing His work and left the church or even left Him. It is a greater loss if you leave God when you are at the bottom of the valley. You will not be able to walk out of the valley on your strength and will, for we are mere humans, frail and weak, and made of flesh and blood. When my son passed away or my daughter was rejected by the schools because of her emotional troubles, I did not walk away from God because I knew He loved me.”
“Jesus looked out for me during the darkest of the darkest hours in my life,” Li Sze relates in her book’s preface. “I was without hope, at the end of my rope. I am highly educated, with a Ph.D. from a top UK university but my son’s illness brought me low. If it were not for my son’s illness, I would have been too stubborn to even listen to what people have to say about Him. I tried all kinds of ways but after braving through a torrent of trials, I finally concluded that Jesus is the only Way and the Truth and the Life (John 14:6). And through my journey with Him, I discovered the power of His love and grace.”
A Grieving Heart Is Most Loved is currently in its second edition. To get a copy of the book, please visit her website at www.liszechow.org or https://www.amazon.com/dp/9671826113 if you are an international reader.
