From June to August 2020, Asian Beacon ran a writing competition. During the period, we received numerous entries. Due to the nature of a competition, we could not feature all the entries on our website at that time. However, many of the testimonies were truly remarkable and we always felt a pity that we could not feature all of them due to the earlier constraints. We have now chosen to establish Wednesday every week as a day to feature these testimonies.
Aside from some formatting and grammatical editing, we have decided to let the testimonies be in the original voices of their writers. The Asian Beacon team would like to thank everyone who has participated in this competition.
Having received a few feedback regarding certain entries in our competition, we feel we need to clarify a few things:
- This competition is based on each writer’s individual experience and provided they can testify to them being genuine, we consider all testimonies valid and eligible for running. We hold to the guideline that each writer is entitled to their own opinions about their experiences, and in their expression of said opinions.
- Currently, this is still part of an ongoing competition. As such, the articles listed on this page are still under the prerogative of each writer and Asian Beacon will not meddle in any way with any content by any writer. If we ever publish any articles under the name of Asian Beacon, we will clearly state our stand on our statement of beliefs.
- This competition is judged purely on the writer’s testimonies and not on the finer points of theology. While the competition is still ongoing, in all cases, and in line with our respect for each writer’s individual testimonies, we adopt a ‘spirit rather than the letter of the law’ approach to each writer’s testimony.
- The Asian Beacon team will endeavour to its utmost to be fair to all participants, without any discrimination, prejudice, or favoritism to any single participant.
- In all cases, the Asian Beacon team will hold true to the conditions we have outlined in our Terms and Conditions for the competition. You may find these terms on https://asianbeacon.org/writing-competition/
Asian Beacon would like to reiterate here that we are all members of Bible-believing churches and we hold to the evangelical creed. We thank those of you who have raised your concerns and hope this will help answer your questions.
Jesus Saved Me – Twice
by Mah Sau Fong
One of the remarkable things about the entries we received during the running of the competition was the courage of each writer in sharing something personal to them.
In this testimony by Mah Sau Fong, an early entrant and one of our finalists, the writer starts off with an extraordinary opening paragraph, and then brings us and finishes on a constructive message that may just shape how we understand people who may be different from us in our society.
My neighbours told me that their father would never allow them to become Christians because their aunt became insane after believing in Jesus. I “pooh-poohed” their excuse. Until I was admitted in Psychiatric Ward J in Hospital Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (HUKM) in 2008. The diagnosis? Obssessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) with a religious slant.
How did I ever come to this? I wondered and wondered again. When I reflected on my life, I realised that I have had OCD since I was a child of seven. At that time, in the year 1980, I used to fear that my parents would die and leave me all alone. This fear compelled me to do some very weird rituals. When I entered a room with black and white tiles, my mind would tell me to only step on the black tiles. If I stepped on the white tiles, my parents would die. Thus, my bewildered parents would look on puzzled as their youngest daughter hopped from one black tile to another.
When I was eight, I used to repeat certain words over and over again for a certain number of times. My mind convinced me that I had to do it, or my parents would die. And because of this same fear, I would wash my hands repeatedly, check food painstakingly for any speck of dust, and dry the electric switches repeatedly to make sure that there was no water on it. I didn’t want my parents to die of my contaminated hands, poisonous specks in food, and electrocution.
When I was nine, something wonderful happened. My playmates’ mother invited me to Sunday School. At Sunday School, I heard about the existence of God who loved me and would never leave me nor forsake me. For the first time in my life, I was free from the fear of losing my mother and father. I knew that even if my parents passed away, I was safe and secure because my Father in Heaven would take care of me.
I decided to become a Christian at ten. I was so happy to have Jesus in my life and lose the fear of the future and Hell. Then shortly after that, my mind was assailed by the fear of losing my salvation. I sought my Sunday School teachers for assurance that if I were once saved, I would be forever saved. My teachers couldn’t convince me that it was so. Thus, I was tortured day and night with the fear that I would abandon my Christian faith or commit the unpardonable sin. My mind would convince me that I had actually committed one or the other sin. Then, I would spend hours and hours repenting and praying to God to accept me again.
When I reached 16, I decided to be baptised. I was convinced that there was no possibility of my abandoning my faith. Reading Billy Graham’s book on the Holy Spirit convinced me that I would never be in danger of committing the sin against the Holy Spirit.
However, relief was temporary because I would soon be tormented by the fear that I had denied Christ before men. My parents were absolutely puzzled how their cheerful, talkative daughter had become a silent, depressed teenager. They begged my church leaders to help me. The leaders gave me hours and hours of counselling, but nothing worked. They even brought me to Pentecostal and AG churches to be “delivered” but nothing happened.
When I entered university in 1993, I was determined to enjoy varsity life. I fought hard to curtail my compulsions to pray and ask God for forgiveness. I limited the prayers to four times a day. Hence, I was able to perform extremely well academically in UKM and was very active in the Choir Club and Perkeb, the Christian Fellowship of UKM. I was elated to obtain First Class Honours and went on to do my Master’s because I wanted to be a lecturer. Upon finishing my studies, I was accepted into INTI College as an English lecturer. For the first three years, I was a high-flyer, destined for promotions in the college. In 2000, my dear mom went home to be with the Lord. In 2001, my world started unravelling because the OCD reared its ugly head with vengeance.
I couldn’t work because I was praying all the time. I was repeatedly asking God to forgive me. I became more and more fearful, anxious, and morose. Nobody at that time knew it was OCD. Everyone thought I was under spiritual attack.
In desperation, I called a friend, who knew a Christian psychiatrist in HUKM. I started my medicines and therapy with Dr M in 2002 who diagnosed me as having OCD. Within 6 months, I was showing great improvement. By 2004, I was back at college and doing very well. However, in 2007, the illness returned with a great force. At that time, my father had broken his hip bone and needed to be admitted to a nursing home. It was a terrible time for me. I was stressed with financial worries, guilt for putting him there, and torment as the OCD symptoms came back. Things came to a head when I was admitted for the first of countless times to HUKM’s psychiatric ward because I had become suicidal.
The confessing of sins, the repeated praying, and the obsession with losing my salvation filled my days and nights with terror – even in the ward. Dr M and his team were at a loss what to do because no medicine or therapy seemed to be working. At last, my diagnosis read ‘treatment-resistant’ OCD. One of the foremost specialists on OCD, Professor Naomi Fineberg, came from the UK but she couldn’t suggest anything that the doctors hadn’t tried.
By 2012, INTI had lost patience with my frequent hospitalisations. The college was ready to terminate me. Everyone, except one Head of Department, Mr Y, stood up for me and insisted that I be given one more chance. He talked to me on the phone and offered me a position in his team to teach a new subject for the South Australian Matriculation programme.
With God’s strength, I did something that I had stubbornly refused to do since the beginning of my treatment. I accepted that my doctors were right and that I did have OCD.
Once that pivotal step was taken, I rapidly recovered. Jesus saved me – twice: once from sin and death; another from OCD. Jesus pulled me back from the brink of suicide. Since the end of 2012, OCD seldom troubles me.
If I get to meet my former neighbours again, I am going to tell them that becoming a Christian doesn’t make a person mad. Usually, the person has already had underlying mental health issues prior to conversion. What I can say with confidence from my own experience is Jesus can help His children recover with proper treatment. After all, He is the Lord who heals us.
