MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH IN A PANDEMIC
By Benice Malini
How to stay healthy mentally and emotionally for ourselves and our children during stressful times of social isolation.
The social isolation of the pandemic affects all of us in one way or other. Interestingly, I did experience pendulum-like emotional swings. I could not handle disappointments well. When I was craving for certain foods which could not be delivered, I would become easily irritated.
Need for booster jabs. Extension of lockdown. Activities need to be conducted online. After some time, we get used to these inconveniences and learn to accept them as necessary for our good.
However, the problem is that we are created to be social, relational beings. Without social interaction we become like separated parts of a body. Unless these disjointed parts become attached to the body, they cannot heal. This social isolation has far-reaching effects on both therapists and clients alike.
Recently, as I was driving to work, I heard the news over the radio that our children are struggling in school. Assessments showed that our kindergarteners have difficulty using a pencil. This problem, probably arising out of social isolation, has simple solutions: Parents need to devote some time to teach their children how to use a pencil. And children need to spend more time learning how to use a pencil.
As for me, I had to adjust to the routine of getting back to office, being punctual and productive. Again, the solution may seem simple: Set the alarm, leave early in case of traffic jams and I may well be on the way for the “Employee of the Year” award. I noticed this issue was also resurfacing a lot among my clients. As the lockdown eased, we were returning to schools and offices but many are still confused and anxious, gripped by a myriad of emotions and thoughts: “I can’t keep up”, “What is wrong with me?”, “I need to hustle to make up for lost time”. In addition, some of us are grieving over the loss of loved ones and struggling with the changes it brings to our lives.
Despite the difficulties inherent in adapting to the new normal, there are practical steps we can take to come on top of the situation. Listed below are some ways to cope as an individual:
- Keep abreast with the latest happenings through news and social media but know your limits. Be aware how social media is affecting you. Occasionally, it is wise to do a social media detox.
- Count it normal to seek help. We all have moments when we need to share our problems with another. Our mental health matters. In the 45 minutes to an hour we spend with a counsellor, we realise that we are not alone in grappling with an issue affecting so many.
- Don’t underestimate the power of human connection as a coping strategy. Reach out and build a strong, supportive social network. We need to feel less alone and isolated.
- Be kind and compassionate to yourself. When we falter, it does not mean we are back to square one. I tell my clients this: On a road trip, if you stop at a rest area, does it mean you have gone back to the starting point?
- Do a daily self-check. How am I feeling today? What is on my mind lately? Have there been any life events lately that have made me feel off balance?
- It is important to have something to look forward to. This adds meaning to life. It could be as simple as reading the next chapter of a book, a coffee run or a conversation with a loved one.
- Be constantly inspired. I call this “feed my soul” moments. Take time to marvel at a beautiful painting. Enjoy the sunset. Or anything that would stimulate our creativity and imagination. These moments provide the necessary fuel for life’s journey.
- It is human to experience grief, confusion and loss. Take it to the One who knows the human heart best.
For our children, the disruption in schooling and loss of social interaction have had a serious impact on their mental health, including a fear of falling behind in studies and concerns whether they can cope with the changes once schools reopen.
How to help our young ones?
- At a community level, identify vulnerable children that require more support. That could mean contributing financially, emotionally, mentally or socially.
- Pay attention to the mental, emotional and physical health of our children. Offer support. Have daily after school or before bedtime conversations like: How was your day today in school? How have you been feeling lately? Use phrases like “I want to understand.”
- Some children and youth engage in self-harming behaviour as a way to manage stress and emotional pain. Disruptions to routine and stress during the Covid-19 pandemic or transition to the new normal may exacerbate their habit. Maladaptive ways of coping with emotional pain are common among troubled children and youth. Be aware that there are websites that deliberately encourage self-harm acts targeted at youth. Some teens are using social networking platforms to build entire communities based on self-cutting. Teach your children effective ways to regulate stress and ease emotional pain: reach out, exercise, have things to look forward to, journal, and have strong social support.
- Be kind and understanding. Engage in conversation and ask the child if he would be open to seeking professional help. Do not panic and shame. Be calm and lead the way in seeking help.
- Have active conversation and engage your child on their social media usage. Be aware of what they are watching on YouTube or Netflix. Be familiar with the influencers and celebrities that they follow on social media. Understand that children or teens who excessively use social media lose opportunities to develop real life connections.
“We’re all in the same storm, but we’re not in the same boat, so occasionally reach out or offer your oar.” What really helped me get through the pandemic and the transition towards the endemic phase were little but significant acts of kindness. The compassion we show to each other, the ability to see beyond ourselves and the desire to reach out and help … all that gave me hope to carry on.
About Benice Malini
Benice Malini is a registered mental health professional with the Malaysian board of counsellors (LKM). She has a degree in Psychology and Communications. She earned her Masters in Counselling from University Sains Malaysia. She spends her spare time reading and exploring the outdoors. She is currently practising at The Safe Harbour, Penang, and can be contacted at +60 16-609 4011.